Tuesday, 18 March 2008

• I've been going through not only a spiritual upheaval lately, but an emotional one as well. It's not a good combination.

  In my more emotional moments, I revert (or desire to revert) to the more concrete understanding of God that I've typically held in the past. I want a Father to hold me, comfort me, help me. I don't want vague theories and uncertainties. Not that I ever particularly desire vague theories and uncertainties; I'm just more comfortable with them when I'm more emotionally stable.

  A friend sent me an email several weeks ago that I just opened tonight. She included the 1 Peter 5:7 verse- "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."  I found it calming for a few moments. And then I read the context: it doesn't seem to be a universal directive to all believers, but to a select group. I don't want to be narrowly literal in my interpretation- I think it can be clearly gleaned from other Scripture that it's an accurate statement about God and His regard toward us. However, there are other Scriptures that cause me to ask "Did God really mean for me to apply this to my life, or was it only for that group at that point in time?"

  I wonder that about the Epistles in general- were those *really* meant as God-breathed Scripture, or were they just letters? How can we know? In the past, I thought "well, they've been used for centuries; if it wasn't right for them to be used as Scripture, God could've stopped it...." But I think it's clear that there are a damned lot of things that have happened for centuries in the name of God that weren't/which aren't right. So I'm not sure about that explanation anymore.

  I'm really tempted to grab a Bible and jump off the deep end. Immerse myself in the conservative understandings that my faith was raised on. All or nothing. Times of instability obviously draw one to seek a firm foundation. But I don't want to grab on to any 'firm foundation' that floats buy just to buy some security. Sigh.

  I've been listening to Scott Krippayne's "Sometimes He Calms the Storm" over and over. The chorus is:

  "Sometimes He calms the storm,
  With a whispered 'Peace be still'
  He can settle any sea
  but it doesn't mean He will
  Sometimes He holds us close
  As the wind and waves go wild
  Sometimes He calms the storm,
  Other times He calms His child."

  Cheesy and cliched? Maybe. But it's helping at the moment.

  
   

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